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Jigoku clan

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Jigoku clan

Post by Rizuma Jigoku on Mon Jul 30, 2012 1:37 pm

Clan Name: Jigoku

-Bloodline Description: The Jigoku clan possesses a unique power bestowed upon only a few members. They are given an eye power. This eye power was originally not part of the clan until one member went to another realm. From then on this Kekkei Genkai of sorts has been hereditary but also very rare. This power isn't like other eye powers as it can not be taken by medical jutsu. If this eye leaves the body of the possessor then the eye turns black and becomes unusable by anyone. Along with chakra this clan has the power of the nether realm running through their body as well. Those of this clan are able to use this power only if they possess the Jigokugan.

Village: The origin is Konohagakure, but some left to other places.

Clan Symbol:
The clan symbol was based off of the Jigokugan:

Clan Traits: Those with the Jigokugan are born with white hair and causes an early death as well. The longest possessor of the Jigokugan died at 28 years, this is due to the nether chakra running through their body. It's a slow acting poison to humans. Other than that they're all pretty normal. Their Chakra is black due to the nether chakra. Nether chakra also uses 1.5 times the stamina of the required amount for regular chakra. The limit to the amount of nether jutsu per thread before death is 10 jutsu.

The poison that nether jutsu inflicts onto opponents is faster acting for someone who has no immunity to it whatsoever but still slow. If someone is poisoned by nether chakra and they don't have the Jigokugan or any other resistance to nether chakra, then they would see symptoms such as paralysis, slowed heart rate and lower stamina within the next couple of days. The victems usually die within the next week unless they're with 7 posts of standard medical ninjutsu.

Secret Clan Jutsu:
Name: Jigokugan [Cancer Hell]
Rank: C
Type: Kekkei Genkai
Description: Raises the perception of the user allowing them to see clearer and react 5% faster. Also allows the user to use their Nether chakra. this is only on one eye and the image in the eye will never leave, whether the Jigokugan's abilities are active or not. The user can also mimic the handsigns of the opponent only, not the jutsu.

Ninjutsu:
Name: Jigoku-mon no jutsu [Nether gate jutsu]
Rank: E
Range: 5 meters
Type: ninjutsu
Description: The Jigokugan opens a spherical medium connected to the power of the nether realm to use for their jutsu. The sphere itself is usually 1 meter in diameter but it can be made bigger by adding a mixture of chakra and nether chakra.

Name: Jigoku bakuhatsu no jutsu [nether blast jutsu]
Rank: D
Range: 10 meters
Type: Ninjutsu
Handsigns: Serpent
Description: The user's Jigokugan shoots a beam of nether chakra about the size of the user's whole eye. It only shoots a single beam then must be used again.

Name: Jigoku bakudan no jutsu [nether bomb]
Rank: A
Range: 10+ meters
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: varies
Handsigns: Monkey, boar, hare, ram.
Description: Nether chakra is drawn from an open nether gate and condense into a ball in the user's hand. From then it can be mixed any other elemental jutsu into it (i.e. Fireball justu or water dragon jutsu) and make the bomb stronger. the blast radius of a regular bomb is 10 meters. The blast radius of an element infused into the bomb depends on the strength of the jutsu.

Rank: A
Description: If Jigoku bakudan no jutsu is shot with a Jigoku bakuhatsu no jutsu, the Jigoku bakuhatsu no jutsu is multiplied in strength in size by 2. If the bomb is infused with an element then it's tripled and is infused with the same element.

Name: Jigoku fukusei no jutsu [nether duplication jutsu]
Rank: B
Type: ninjutsu
Handsigns: boar, tiger
Description: Causes pitch black shadow clones of the user to come from an opened nether portal. they can only do physical attacks and can take a few more punches than a regular shadow clone can.

Name: Jigoku ryū no jutsu [nether dragon jutsu]
Rank: A
Range: 20 meters
Type: ninjutsu
Handsigns: the Jigoku have adapted to being fast due to their short life spans. the prep count for this is 1 post as a control. Ox, monkey, hare, boar, bird, ox, tiger, horse, bird, rat, boar, monkey, dragon, bird, ox, horse, ram, tiger, serpent, rat, monkey, hare, boar, dragon, ox, rat, ox, monkey, bird, rat, boar, bird, dog, serpent.
Description: Causes a wave of dragon shaped nether energy to come from an open nether portal and home in on the user's opponent. (much like water dragon jutsu.) This jutsu also poisons the target if it hits. The poison can be healed with medical jutsu.

clan contracts:
Name: Jigoku-jū no jutsu [nether beast jutsu]
Rank: E
Type: Summoning jutsu
Description: When a Jigokugan possessor is born, there is a beast born in the nether realm at the same time. They are taught this justu at a young age so they can grow with their beast. The beast can normally transform from a beast form to "human" form. They can only be summoned from a nether gate. (All Jigoku MUST create a contract in the contract creation forum for their beasts)

History: N/A


Last edited by Rizuma Jigoku on Wed Aug 01, 2012 4:18 pm; edited 18 times in total
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Re: Jigoku clan

Post by Hakai Hozuki on Mon Jul 30, 2012 8:47 pm


Overall fixing the grammar mistakes will be the first thing you want to fix. Put caps in front of words at the beginning of sentances.. fix the fragment sentences. Put it in a word document it will help you, see the grammar mistakes.

Clan Name: Jigoku

-Bloodline Description: The Jigoku clan possesses a unique power bestowed upon only a few members. They are given an eye power. this eye power was originally not part of the clan until one member went to another realm. from then on this Kekkei Genkai of sorts has be hereditary but also very rare. 1. this power isn't like other eye powers which may be taken by a medical jutsu. If this eye leaves the body of the possessor then the eye turns black and unusable by anyone.

2.Along with Chakra this clan has the power of the nether realm running through their body as well. Those of this clan are able to use this power only if they possess the Jigokugan.

1.) It needs a WHY, this whole app needs a why. Why does it do this? Is it because of blah .. blah or blah?

2.) How can someone have the "Nether realm" running through their body? why just put they have a unique chakra that is used by your clan. Because this is something that doesn't make sense in the narutoverse.


Secret Clan Jutsu:
Name: Jigokugan [Cancer Hell]
Range: Self
Type: Eye power
Description: Raises the perception of the user allowing them to see clearer and react faster. Also allows the user to use their 3. Nether energy and read 4. chakra movements. this is only on one eye and it cannot be 5. deactivated like the sharingan or byakugan. The user can also mimic the handsigns of the opponent only, not the jutsu.
3. Nether Chakra, not energy please.

4. Details please, what do you mean by "chakra movements" what does it allow you to see.

5. This will be a constant drain on your chakra, also you need to say which eye it is in.


6.
Ninjutsu:
Name: Jigoku kaen no jutsu [nether flame justu]
Rank: E
Range: 10 meters
Type: Ninjutsu
Handsigns: Tiger
Description: A black flame bursts where the user looks with the Jigokugan.

6.)Not E rank for starters, you need to explain in detail, the attack; by the size and speed of the flame. If it was a spark it might be E rank.


7.
Name: Jigoku-mon no jutsu [Nether gate jutsu]
Rank: E
Range: 5 meters
Type: ninjutsu
Description: Opens a spherical portal to the nether using the power of the Jigokugan.

7. Its spacetime and its banned, so no.


8.
Name: Jigoku bakuhatsu no jutsu [nether blast jutsu]
Rank: D
Range: 10 meters
Type: Ninjutsu
Handsigns: Serpent
Description: The user's Jigokugan shoots a small beam of nether energy

8., detail of the energy.. size.. color.. shape...... and which eye is it that its being fired from; details are key!


Name: Jigoku fukusei no jutsu [nether duplication jutsu]
Rank: C
Type: ninjutsu
Handsigns: boar, tiger
Description: causes pitch black shadow clones to come from an opened nether portal. they can only do physical attacks and can stand a few more punches than a regular shadow clone.
Shadow clones is a B rank jutsu.. these will have to be B rank.. also no opening portals.. that is space time. These will have to be created with nether chakra.


1.
Name: Jigoku bakudan no jutsu [nether bomb]
Rank: C
Range: 10 meters
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Any
Handsigns: Monkey, boar, hare, ram
Description: Nether energy is drawn from an open nether portal and condense into a ball. From then it can be mixed any other elemental jutsu into it (i.e. Fireball justu or water dragon jutsu) and make the bomb stronger.

2.
Rank: B
Description: If Jigoku bakudan no jutsu is shot with a Jigoku bakuhatsu no jutsu, the Jigoku bakuhatsu no jutsu is multiplied in strength in size by 5.
1. No opening portals.. have this created in your hand with your nether chakra. You need to explain this is WAY more detail. How big of an explosion will it make, can you throw it. Can it be used any other way than in a jutsu. Please more and more.

2. 5x more power?? How strong is that we have no idea because you never told us orginally, also firing it form you kkg is another jutsu.


Name: Jigoku ryū no jutsu [nether dragon jutsu]
Rank: A
Range: 20 meters
Type: ninjutsu
Handsigns: Ox, monkey, hare, boar, bird, ox, tiger, horse, bird, rat, boar, monkey, dragon, bird, ox, horse, ram, tiger, serpent, rat, monkey, hare, boar, dragon, ox, rat, ox, monkey, bird, rat, boar, bird, dog, serpent
Description: Causes a wave of dragon shaped nether energy to come from an open nether portal and home in on the user's opponent.
Hand sign list not need.. just say it takes two posts of hand signs or one post.. w/e. Also this technique need more detail.. how big are the dragons.. what kind of damage do they do. DO they burn? Do they have physical damage to you or what.. Details


Name: Ōkina jigoku-mon no jutsu [greater nether gate]
Rank: A
Range: The sky
Type: ninjutsu
Handsigns: Monkey, serpent, horse, tiger, serpent, tiger, ram, rat, dog, dragon, tiger, bird, monkey, bird, boar, tiger, serpent, dragon
Description: as long as the Jigokugan is pointed at the sky there will be a larger hole 50 meters in diameter in the sky.
Doesn't make any sense.


Name: Jigoku-gun no jutsu [nether army jutsu]
Rank: S
Type: ninjutsu
Handsigns: boar, tiger, horse, rat, ram
Description: mass produces nether duplicates from an open greater nether portal.
Detail.. makes no sense.. seems like its a multiclone jutsu.. which I believe is banned; but this needs details.


Name: Jigoku hakai no jutsu [nether destruction jutsu]
Rank: S
Range: 3 meter radius
Type: ninjutsu
Handsigns: Horse, dragon, horse, serpent
Description: an open nether gate sucks in everything within a 3 meter radius and implodes.
No space time.. banned.


genjutsu:
Name: Hashi no me [end's eyes]
Rank: C
Range: 20 meters
Type: genjutsu
Description: If the user makes eye contact with the opponent, they but their minds in a trance and renders their bodies useless.
HOW... how does it do this.. I am assuming you are putting them in a genjutsu. But you need to describe the genjutsu, how it works, what they will see. THis is basic stuff... please fix.


Taijustu:
Name: Jigoku tenohira no jutsu [nether palm jutsu]
Rank: C
Range: physical
Type: Taijustu
Description: the user send nether energy into the chakra pathways of the target and blocks them for 3 posts.
Can't put chakra into chakra pathways unless you are a hyuga as you won't be able to see them. Let alone know the clan secrets to hit the tenken of the chakra system.


clan contracts:
Name: Jigoku-jū no jutsu [nether beast jutsu]
Rank: E
Type: Summoning jutsu
Description: When a Jigokugan possessor is born, there is a beast born in the nether realm at the same time. they are taught this justu at a young age so they can grow with their beast. the beast can normally transform from a beast form to "human" form. they can only be summoned through a nether portal. (All Jigoku MUST create a contract in the contract creation forum for their beasts)

Name: Shūryō ryū [end dragon]
Rank: S
Type: Summoning jutsu
Handsigns: none, the user must offer their Jigokugan
Description: The dragon like God of the nether realm is summoned through an opened greater nether gate.

History: Nah too lazy.

Summonings you need to explain them in more detail. What they can do.. will they be like normal summonings? Also the S rank jutsu.. this is a one time jutsu? also you need to explain the ""The dragon like God of the Nether realm" which doesn't make sense. You need to state what this being can do.

History add one.. you won't get approved until that is done.
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Re: Jigoku clan

Post by Suijin on Tue Jul 31, 2012 5:26 am

I have taken the liberty of creating a modified version of Hakai's post. For now:


Secret Clan Jutsu:
Name: Jigokugan [Cancer Hell]
Range: Self
Type: Eye power
Description: Raises the perception of the user allowing them to see clearer and react faster. Also allows the user to use their 3. Nether energy and read 4. chakra movements. this is only on one eye and it cannot be 5. deactivated like the sharingan or byakugan. The user can also mimic the handsigns of the opponent only, not the jutsu.
3. Nether Chakra, not energy please.

4. Details please, what do you mean by "chakra movements" what does it allow you to see.

5. This will be a constant drain on your chakra, also you need to say which eye it is in.


6.
Ninjutsu:
Name: Jigoku kaen no jutsu [nether flame justu]
Rank: E
Range: 10 meters
Type: Ninjutsu
Handsigns: Tiger
Description: A black flame bursts where the user looks with the Jigokugan.

6.)Not E rank for starters, you need to explain in detail, the attack; by the size and speed of the flame. If it was a spark it might be E rank.


7.
Name: Jigoku-mon no jutsu [Nether gate jutsu]
Rank: E
Range: 5 meters
Type: ninjutsu
Description: Opens a spherical portal to the nether using the power of the Jigokugan.

7. Simply add in that humans can not pass through it.


8.
Name: Jigoku bakuhatsu no jutsu [nether blast jutsu]
Rank: D
Range: 10 meters
Type: Ninjutsu
Handsigns: Serpent
Description: The user's Jigokugan shoots a small beam of nether energy

8., detail of the energy.. size.. color.. shape...... and which eye is it that its being fired from; details are key!


1.
Name: Jigoku bakudan no jutsu [nether bomb]
Rank: C
Range: 10 meters
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Any
Handsigns: Monkey, boar, hare, ram
Description: Nether energy is drawn from an open nether portal and condense into a ball. From then it can be mixed any other elemental jutsu into it (i.e. Fireball justu or water dragon jutsu) and make the bomb stronger.

2.
Rank: B
Description: If Jigoku bakudan no jutsu is shot with a Jigoku bakuhatsu no jutsu, the Jigoku bakuhatsu no jutsu is multiplied in strength in size by 5.
1. 5x more power?? How strong is that we have no idea because you never told us orginally, also firing it form you kkg is another jutsu.


Name: Jigoku ryū no jutsu [nether dragon jutsu]
Rank: A
Range: 20 meters
Type: ninjutsu
Handsigns: Ox, monkey, hare, boar, bird, ox, tiger, horse, bird, rat, boar, monkey, dragon, bird, ox, horse, ram, tiger, serpent, rat, monkey, hare, boar, dragon, ox, rat, ox, monkey, bird, rat, boar, bird, dog, serpent
Description: Causes a wave of dragon shaped nether energy to come from an open nether portal and home in on the user's opponent.
This technique need more detail.. how big are the dragons.. what kind of damage do they do. DO they burn? Do they have physical damage to you or what.. Details


Name: Ōkina jigoku-mon no jutsu [greater nether gate]
Rank: A
Range: The sky
Type: ninjutsu
Handsigns: Monkey, serpent, horse, tiger, serpent, tiger, ram, rat, dog, dragon, tiger, bird, monkey, bird, boar, tiger, serpent, dragon
Description: as long as the Jigokugan is pointed at the sky there will be a larger hole 50 meters in diameter in the sky.
Honestly, just remove this.


Name: Jigoku-gun no jutsu [nether army jutsu]
Rank: S
Type: ninjutsu
Handsigns: boar, tiger, horse, rat, ram
Description: mass produces nether duplicates from an open greater nether portal.
Detail.. makes no sense.. seems like its a multiclone jutsu.. which I believe is banned; but this needs details.


Name: Jigoku hakai no jutsu [nether destruction jutsu]
Rank: S
Range: 3 meter radius
Type: ninjutsu
Handsigns: Horse, dragon, horse, serpent
Description: an open nether gate sucks in everything within a 3 meter radius and implodes.
No space time.. banned.


genjutsu:
Name: Hashi no me [end's eyes]
Rank: C
Range: 20 meters
Type: genjutsu
Description: If the user makes eye contact with the opponent, they but their minds in a trance and renders their bodies useless.
HOW... how does it do this.. I am assuming you are putting them in a genjutsu. But you need to describe the genjutsu, how it works, what they will see. THis is basic stuff... please fix.


Taijustu:
Name: Jigoku tenohira no jutsu [nether palm jutsu]
Rank: C
Range: physical
Type: Taijustu
Description: the user send nether energy into the chakra pathways of the target and blocks them for 3 posts.
Can't put chakra into chakra pathways unless you are a hyuga as you won't be able to see them. Let alone know the clan secrets to hit the tenken of the chakra system.


clan contracts:
Name: Jigoku-jū no jutsu [nether beast jutsu]
Rank: E
Type: Summoning jutsu
Description: When a Jigokugan possessor is born, there is a beast born in the nether realm at the same time. they are taught this justu at a young age so they can grow with their beast. the beast can normally transform from a beast form to "human" form. they can only be summoned through a nether portal. (All Jigoku MUST create a contract in the contract creation forum for their beasts)

Name: Shūryō ryū [end dragon]
Rank: S
Type: Summoning jutsu
Handsigns: none, the user must offer their Jigokugan
Description: The dragon like God of the nether realm is summoned through an opened greater nether gate.

History: Nah too lazy.

Summonings you need to explain them in more detail. What they can do.. will they be like normal summonings? Also the S rank jutsu.. this is a one time jutsu? also you need to explain the ""The dragon like God of the Nether realm" which doesn't make sense. You need to state what this being can do. [/quote]
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Re: Jigoku clan

Post by Suijin on Tue Jul 31, 2012 5:30 am

Eh. Whatever.
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Re: Jigoku clan

Post by Suijin on Tue Jul 31, 2012 7:24 am

Moved back for simple modifications.
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Re: Jigoku clan

Post by Rizuma Jigoku on Tue Jul 31, 2012 7:29 am

finished and i will move it back.


Name: Jigokugan [Cancer Hell]
Rank: C
Type: Kekkei Genkai
Description: Raises the perception of the user allowing them to see clearer and react 5% faster. Also allows the user to use their Nether chakra. this is only on one eye and the image in the eye will never leave, whether the Jigokugan's abilities are active or not. The user can also mimic the handsigns of the opponent only, not the jutsu.

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